Secrets of Mormonism Unveiled…for One Easy Payment of $37 plus Shipping and Handling.

http://www.secretsofmormons.com

I know for some of you the first question will be “Why are you giving this guy extra publicity?” I don’t know how to answer that other than to say that; 1) I don’t think this guy is hurting the Mormon cause, and 2) I thought the website was hilarious.

I found this site when I did a search that included the word “mormon” in it. A link to this site came up in Google’s pay per click ads and I thought “Heck, why not check it out?” Then I was taken to a landing page that looks like every other landing page for products that are purchased by the gullible. At least I assume someone is buying this stuff or the pages wouldn’t exist, right? Although I can’t for the life of me understand who would buy something off this page. I mean, is finding out the “secrets” of Mormonism interesting enough to anyone that they’d pay $37 for them, especially when all this stuff can be found either on the Internet or at your library for free?

I mean, I can understand why people buy The Secret. Sure, it’s still mostly purchased by people who are gullible, but at least there’s some logic to it in that people think that by reading The Secret or watching the DVD they’re going to find out how to get filthy rich. But what does buying a book set about the secrets of Mormonism get you?

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there are people out there who are fascinated by Mormons and the LDS Church so much so that they are excited to spend $37 and hours and hours of time to find out more about them from what is evidently a source of knowledge so ample that…he can’t spell correctly or use proper grammar. Come, let us reason together, and examine just a few of the flaws of this webpage:

1. Catholic Church graphic.

The website and apparently the media you get all have this photo on the front, which apparently is supposed to be a Mormon temple. But it’s not. As near as I can figure out it’s a Catholic church, and then somebody photoshopped the angel Moroni onto one spire to make it look like a temple. But maybe one of the “secrets” of Mormons is that all Catholic churches are actually Mormon temples that have been enchanted to look like Catholic cathedrals, and only the faithful can see the angel Moroni on top. Who knows.

2. “Discover Over 10,000 Pages Of Unreleased Mormon LDS Scriptures That Almost Got a Mormon of 15 years Banned!” – Wow! He was almost banned?! That means the Mormon hierarchy actually considered banning him because this stuff was so controversial? Wow…that’s heavy, I mean, he could have been banned. Of course he wasn’t, he was only almost banned, but man, this must be really good stuff!

3. From the website:

Now here’s the truth: If you’re a:

•  Existing member of Mormon church

•  Looking to join Mormonism

•  Researcher or religious scholar

… Then this will be the most important message you ever read. So make sure you grab a cup of coffee, take the phone off the hook and read every single word of this page.

I have a little bit of experience with advertising and marketing, and I’ve found that if you want to present yourself as a credible source, then proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar help, not to mention catering to your audience. So I’m going to give the purveyor of this website some free marketing help:

Before: “If you’re a…Existing member of Mormon church”

After: “If you’re…An existing member of the Mormon church”

Before: “If you’re a…Looking to join Mormonism”

After: “If you’re…Looking to join Mormonism”

Oh, and Mormons don’t drink coffee…although perhaps that’s a bit of humor on the website owner’s part.

“LDS Mormons” and “a church of jesus christ latter day saints Mormon” – Typically Mormons don’t refer to themselves as “LDS Mormons” or “a church of jesus christ latter day saints Mormon”. “I’m LDS” or “I’m Mormon” or “I’m a Mormon” or “I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” or “I’m a member of the LDS Church” would be the norm.

Before: “alot”

After: “a lot”

Before: “After all of that hunting around, I took all of those never before and got converted them into a digital version!”

After: “Somebody set up us the bomb.”

4. You have to love some of the books this guy includes in his “Secrets of Mormonism”:

The Life and Confessions of a Late Mormon Bishop – I haven’t heard of this one, but I’m inclined to think it’s a fake, because Bishops are never late–whatever time the Bishop arrives at is right on time and it’s the job of everyone else to make sure they’re there before him or else they’re late.
History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints – This isn’t exactly secret stuff. You can probably find the full text of this online. You can certainly buy it at any LDS bookstore or on Amazon, and this alone would account for several thousand pages of stuff.

Twelve Mormon Homes Visited in Succession on a Journey Through Utah to Arizona, by Elizabeth Wood Kane 1874 – The terrifying truth about Mormons, revealed!

5. “That means I can offer you a massive discount. Instead of paying $297 for the complete collection … you just pay a mere $37. When you work that out, it’s less than $1.56 a day over the course of a month. Less than a stick of gum!”

I hope that’s a darn good stick of gum.

6. “With the amount of traffic that this site has been receiving it wouldn’t surprise me at all if those last few discounted places are sold out in the next day!” – According to Alexa, this site is not getting much traffic.

7. Alfred Rasmussen at the top of the webpage, Alfred Rasmussen at the bottom of the webpage.

Ok, I’m starting to get bored. Just check out the site, have a laugh, and move on. Nothing to see here folks.

Comments

  1. I saw this post and went to the site. The picture of the younger looking man is the same picture he uses for one of the "testimonials" of the books. Seems legit.

  2. Since this is the topic of humor, I thought this was appropriate:

    http://mormongags.com/sites/default/files/imageca

    At least I found it to be extremely funny.

  3. Or this one:

    http://mormongags.com/sites/default/files/imageca

    Hi-lar! It's funny…because it's true.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>